The Object of Worship

 The World runs about in fear,

They deny the true God and make fear their object of worship.

They came to me and said, "Fear this!"

My heart struggled and wrestled and began to fail.

"Choose today who you will serve!"

My heart said, "Lord, I fail, save me!"

You alone are to be feared.

You - You alone are to be worshiped!

If only my heart was steadfast in fearing You,

then I would not be afraid of the sun by day or the moon by night.

Father, save me! For I hope in your word!

He Watches Over

Things I'm learning in a new way these past few weeks.

What not to do when you're anxious:

1. Watch movies or TV or Korean Dramas - this is a form of escapism. It is not addressing the issue, but running away from it. But be warned, as soon as the show is done, you will return to your mental turmoil.

2. Keep yourself busy working, reading, and doing activities - this is, again, a form of escapism and renders the same consequences as above.

3. Talk with your friends and authorities about it. Ok, this one is hard, because while it can be helpful... if you feel anxious or are afraid of something, you may have passed the "common sense" realm and your imagination has gotten the better of you. They can talk to you till they're blue in the face, but it cannot change your disposition.

There is one thing that has helped me. One person who has spoken peace into my heart but told me he even cared about my imagined fears. I have personally been struggling with COVID fears. I'm not afraid actually of having it, if I can't go to work, that's fine. But for some reason, the idea of getting the symptoms of COVID has kinda paralyzed me. I have to decide if I wanna go on a hike or if I should stay home so that I won't start getting symptoms instead of saying, "I'm fine and healthy. Let's go do something heroic!" I wanna stay home and avoid any possibility of getting sick. Which in honesty is out of my control.

While I was struggling with this, I received a news letter from Capernwray Hall, England talking about these fears. 

"The sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon at night." Psalm 121:6

It was common belief at that time in history that while the sun gave you sunstroke, the moon could also strike you and make you go insane (hence the word lunatic). 

God knows when we have truly unfounded fears (but fears that are promoted by the world around us) and we have legit concerns, worries, or fears. He says in this Psalm, "I am watching over you" about 6 times and there are only 8 verses. 

I'm learning - it's not like I don't panic anymore, but when I do panic, I am trying to make it my practice to lift my eyes to the Maker of heaven and earth. The One who does not sleep of slumber. The One who knows my legit fears and unfounded fears. The only One who can truly speak peace into my life.

Sometimes

Sometimes I wish I had a Canadian passport. If I had a Canadian passport, I would have been able to fulfill a dream of volunteering at Capenrwray Hall for a year and work among people I had already invested time and energy to get to know. 

Sometimes I wish I had a Canadian passport. If I had a Canadian passport, I would be able to be in Europe again right now seeing dear friends. Now, who knows how long till I'll be able to even go to Canada?

Sometimes I wish I had a Canadian passport - but then I think like this: If I had had a Canadian passport, I wouldn't have gone to Denmark, Sweden, France, or Austria. I would never had made the friendships or learned the lessons that were waiting for me there. 

Sometimes I wish I had a Canadian passport - but then I think like this: If I had had a Canadian passport, would I be here in the states being able to watch first-hand what God is doing? Possibly not.

In the last 5 months, I have had more opportunities to talk about Jesus and pray with coworkers and members at work than in the 3 years prior. I have seen people re-commit their lives to Jesus. I have seen marriages miraculously be healed. 

Sometimes I wish I had a Canadian passport, but then God opens my eyes and helps me to see where He has me and what He is doing, and I am again content. 

Where does God have you?

Leaving Austria

I was still planning on staying in Austria for the next 6 months. Stores would still open and I was honestly looking forward to the 4 weeks of forced "vacation" with my friends before students would arrive for Spring Bible School. However, Corona was maybe more than I thought it was.

Elise, Sam, Mya, Rachel

On Sunday afternoon went as planned - everyone who planned to leave left that day. By 4:00pm, things escalated: any person found walking on the streets for any reason but for 1) an emergency, 2) collecting groceries, or 3) helping someone in need, could be fined at least €250. Most things were shutting down, but the final shove to leave Austria was when I learned that Germany would be closing their borders to Austria at 8:00am the following day. After a quick phone call with dad, I had bought a plane ticket home. As I scurried around that evening trying to pack there was something different about Schladming. For a town that was usually busy because of the nearby bars and tourism to be silent with no one on the streets at 10:00pm was insane. Corona definitely was more than I thought.

Rachel, Sam, Jonny Kiki

On my way to Salzburg, the train was practically empty. The only other occupants had their suitcases and their skis to go back to wherever home was. I got off the train at Salzburg hbf (main station) in silence. A few people were there, but I don't think more than 100 and no one spoke with each other (yes, I was the oddball American). It was rather different to walk out to the deserted bus station on a beautifully sunny afternoon. You know in Great Depression movies where there are lots of little shops and all of them have signs on them saying, "closed until further notice"? That's what it looked like. I'm not completely sure what the signs said (my German is definitely not that good), but I knew they said things like, "Due to the COVID-19, we have shorter hours," or "Due to Corona, we are closed till future notice". How insane to see these things in 2020! Corona was a reality - and the reality was shocking.

Roommates:
Kiki, Selina, Rachel

I arrived very early at the airport mainly because Salzburg was closing all of it's hotels and forcing all the tourists out. I expected the airport to be crowded but had been completely mistaken. I could see 5 people in the entire airport. 7 if I walked to the cafe. More people stood outside, but not even 30 of them. 3 hours before my flight left, I was allowed to go through security. Now it looked a little more like an airport, but I realized that was because the remaining 3 flights were all leaving from these 3 gates. I chatted with a couple of people headed home and when they found out I was bound for the States, they quarried,"Wait, can you even get back?" I hope so. I knew that as soon as I got to Amsterdam, I would not be able to return to Austria. Thankful for knowing people there, but still, I really hoped my plane would leave as scheduled from Amsterdam to NY. I just wanted to be stateside again. My plane left on time and arrived an hour and a half later. When staying at an airport overnight, try to find a safe place. If you can find a Narnian, stick with 'em. I got to reacquaint myself with dear old Reepicheep and had a pleasant evening. I had left Austria and friends who I wasn't able to say goodbye to for various reasons (mainly because the police were patrolling their village). Home was a number of hours away. Corona was real, and it was serious.

Last Picture of the Final Four
Rachel, Olly, Nathanael, Kiki
One Brit, Three PNW-ers

I know there is a hard balance between living in the moment and taking pictures. I have never regretted taking photos and I have started to not mind being "that friend". I'm super thankful right now that I pulled out my camera at random times - thankful for all of these last-minute photos I grabbed. Live in the moment, but take time to remember - however that works best for you. <3

March 13th

I thought I would share with you guys some of the craziness that happened with COVID-19 and how it progressed. Thankful for journals!

13/3/20
How can so much happen in an afternoon? Our weekly staff-meeting  was postponed till 4:00pm at

which point, Martin told us that Tauernhof would be closing down and, after our guests leave tomorrow, no one else would come and stay till Spring School. We had all guessed the season would end early, but not that early. 
Martin asked that those who could leave and return home do so this weekend because otherwise the borders might close. 
Kiki, Nathanael, Olly, and I will be the only volunteers here starting Monday. We will do the deep cleaning for Spring School this week and then we will be done. Then Kiki, Nathanael, and I will have 4 weeks here by ourselves. What a fabulous opportunity! To be honest, I'm nervous about how I'm gonna be spending my time. I need to write out a schedule and really try to keep it.
4 weeks - I wonder what habits and amazing book I'll be able to read! Heading to bed now. Not really working tomorrow, but we have a crazy week and emotional weekend so I'll probs be drained.
----
Kiki told me after staff meeting that we were gonna do a prayer walk as volunteers. Several of us were crying with shock of having to leave so suddenly. As we gathered waiting, Richard [Dahlstrom] walked up to our group and said, "Guys, I wanna remind you of  something that continually happens in the Bible. Order-Disorder-Reorder. The reorder is always, always better than the original."

Back: Florian, Nathanael, Elise, moi, Tony, Angela, Selina, Julia, Johann
Front: Mya, Kelsi, Kiki, Celeste

I hope that whatever is happening for you right now you'll remember what Richard said: Order. Disorder. Reorder. The reorder is always, always better than the original. Have a great week!

P.S. - I haven't been ignoring you if you've sent me text messages. I just don't have a phone number :)